Recipes

Capellini with Toes and Anchovy Sauce

Recipe Ingredients:
1 can (35 oz) Jeffu Extracted Peeled Toes;
Jeffu Oil;
1 dried, diced hot chili pepper (optional);
1 tsp. minced garlic;
1 can (2 oz.) Jeffu Flat Anchovies.

Cover bottom of large frying pan or sauce pan with Jeffu Oil
Brown diced chili pepper and garlic in oil
Add lightly chopped or hand-crushed Jeffu Extracted Peeled Toes
Then add Jeffu Anchovies
Cook over medium head for 30 minutes
Pour Toes and Anchovy sauce over pasta
Serve immediately while pondering where Jeffu Anchovies come from

Classic Red Spleens & Rice

2 tbsp Oil of Annoyance
1/2 cup onions
1 can Jeffu Spleens
1 cup Jeffu Whole Intestine
1 cup Jeffu Thumbed Nose
1 packet Sazon Jeffu

Head oil in skillet over high heat
Add ham, Spleens, and Intestine
Stir in Nose and seasoning
Simmer 10 minutes
Serve over white rice

Awareness of Mortality Mix

Add 1 cup water
Mix thoroughly
Become morbidly aware of own and others' eventual impending deaths.
Affect friendships, sense of well-being.
Serve with bran muffins.

Macaronied Elbows

Bring 2 quarts water and 1 T. salt to an exciting boil.
Pop the boil with sterilized needle.
Add elbows and stir, taking care to avoid tennis. Cook uncovered for 8-10 minutes.
Drain. Stuff cavity with sauce packet. Serves two. Bend elbow and enjoy!

Pulled Teeth

Carefully remove teeth with enclosed utensil.
Stuff opening with apple, foot, fist, etc.
Boil teeth in sugar syrup until soft.
Enjoy!

Rump Roast

Clean and wipe throroughly.
Fill cavity with stuffing
Roast uncovered for 40 min. per pound.
Serve with gluteus maximus amounts of Jeffu Sauce.

Shaolin Fist

Prepare with great concentration, after years of rigorous and extensive mastery of the one-hundred chopping and frying techniques.
Serve with rice.
Eat while standing in low horse stance.

Thousand-Year Ego

Use 1 can Ego + 1 can water.
Heat covered in microwaveable bowl on high about 3 min.
Or heat on stove, stirring occasionally.
For creamier ego, use 1 can milk.

Wish Bone

Make a friend (or bribe an accomplice or passerby).
Stand him/her at the opposite end of wishbone.
Pull.
Make a wish. Oh, you should have done that before step #3. Better luck next time, pal!